He's watching Arthur carefully. Swallows. But he's going to push through this, so help him Azathoth.
"...I didn't... actually know. If I'd killed Parker. I-I still don't. I don't remember doing it. I just-" and he stares over at Arthur, hoping he doesn't- well, he's not sure what he's hoping, just that it isn't bad. But talking with Ashton, going over why they'd done what they'd done, and why it was self-destructive and fear based and hopeless-
"I just wanted to get 'it' over with." A sigh. "The idea that you'd condemn me, for all that I was, for whatever I was, that you'd... change your mind about me when I inevitably did something. I-I was angry that she was dead, and terrified t-t-that after you meant so much to me, you'd... you'd hate me."
Re: After his talk with Ashton
"...I didn't... actually know. If I'd killed Parker. I-I still don't. I don't remember doing it. I just-" and he stares over at Arthur, hoping he doesn't- well, he's not sure what he's hoping, just that it isn't bad. But talking with Ashton, going over why they'd done what they'd done, and why it was self-destructive and fear based and hopeless-
"I just wanted to get 'it' over with." A sigh. "The idea that you'd condemn me, for all that I was, for whatever I was, that you'd... change your mind about me when I inevitably did something. I-I was angry that she was dead, and terrified t-t-that after you meant so much to me, you'd... you'd hate me."
A swallow.
"So I... lashed out. To hurt you first."