His tension settles, fractionally but noticeably, when John's voice is back in his head - and more so when he hears that, and the next exhale of his cigarette is more of a sigh of relief.

"Good," he says. His voice stays quiet, just... appreciating the moment. And John for who he is. "I... th-the truth is, I can... here and now, I can see how I got to where I did. Why I was... what sort of monster I became, that I- I wasn't just willing to, to just ignore them and let them suffer - I wanted to. I-I couldn't-- there wasn't space in my mind, for anything less than. That."